In some countries, burping means "excuse me".

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Women just don't understand certain things about men. I'm sure the whole "able to pee while standing" throws them for loops (more out of jealousy than a lack of comprehension, though). But then there's things like peeing on the seat. Well, technically we're not peeing on the seat, but where the seat rests. There's a good reason for it. It's not a fault of aim. You can be aiming your penis perfectly at the center of the bowl and miss, because that shit comes out at an angle sometimes. You're pointing straight ahead, but your piss is going to the left. Sometimes it even splits into two streams and goes both ways. I think I've had three streams before: one to the left, one to the right, and one behind me.

Then there's skidmarks. This is when some shit ends up on your underwear. Now, if it happens repeatedly, dude ain't wiping good enough. You could say he's being environmentally friendly, using less toilet paper, but as a person who wipes enough, I'll choose not to [think of it that way]. However, guys have much more powerful farts than women. Sometimes a little excrement comes out with the gas, just a little, but since it was such a powerful force, you don't notice it. Didn't feel like anything but gas, but that explosion from your ass spread your anus wide open, so you wouldn't feel it. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen, and there's not really anything you can do about it. Those are the kinds that sneak up on you. You get maybe a couple seconds of warning.

There's also the fascination with the penis. The truth is, we're not fascinated by our penis. It's a dysphemism (word of the day, use it in a sentence) for our masculinity and sexual prowess. Saying a man has a small penis is to say a man is of little worth, and would end up being the bitch of many men in prison.

These are just a few of the things that don't translate well across the gender gap. There are many. I think there's a book about it. "Men are from the second-most-habitable planet in our solar system, women are from the most violent, toxic, uninhabitable one" I think it's called.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go delete 300 emails telling me where to get Viagra.

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Nipple clamps are frightening.

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Haibane Renmei vol 1 comes out today. I recommend picking up a copy, or renting it if that's a more viable option for you.

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For a long time there's been a trend in computer software: flare > functionality. It's infested our operating systems, our simple apps, and the internet. People want things to look flashy, regardless of the trade-off. The trade-off, unfortunately, is that the thing doesn't fucking work anymore.

You may have heard me mention Hotel Insider before, saying how great it was. Well, it was really great. It was. It seems that some marketing fuckheads got a hold of it, and changed it into a flashy beast that puts out-of-state hotels as the closest hotel to the address you've entered.

So I'm looking for rates on the Marriot hotel that's right next to the Hyatt that Katsucon is at. When I say right next to it, I mean you walk out the main entrance of the Hyatt, and you're looking at the Marriot. You cross a small street that is barely used, and you're there. It's not even a minute's walk. So, quite naturally, Hotel Insider's closest hotel is almost 4 miles away. I'm not even off the first page, it's listing hotels in Washington DC and Falls Church. The second page has hotels in Manassas, which isn't even remotely close, because if it were, I'd just stay at home, because that's where I fucking live. It gets outlandish, listing hotels in Maryland. I think I saw one hotel listed that was in the Philippines.

Why are these hotels listed so randomly scattered about, varying in distances from the address I put in for a proximity search? Well, it probably has something to do with the new, cool layout, and really neat animated "processing your search" window, both of which look like utter crap to me. If I was the #1 or #2 sponsor hotel, I'd be pissed, because those two listings are obstructed by the fucked up tables they used, which also don't show up outside of the radial buttons and some lines. I understand they optimized it for Internet Exploder, but aside from the fucked up table not being quite so fucked up, it works the same.

Well, I guess I have to find another hotel search. It's too bad. Hotel Insider used to be a really good one. Maybe I'll just get one of those AAA memberships. It would probably pay for itself, anyway.

Oh, and I hate the new Netflix website. It's not functionally screwed up, it's just annoying and ugly.

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I never tuck my shirts in, and I don't wear a belt. I wear sneakers to work. It's pretty comfortable that way. I've heard it doesn't look too good, though. I think it looks fine. It's got a certain kind of charm about it. I can't stand having my shirts tucked in, and I've never found any use in a belt. My sneakers are completely black, so you have to look carefully to notice that they are, in fact, sneakers.

My bed is perpetually a mess. Or is it? When I get into bed, I just lie down, pull the covers over me, and I'm already comfortable. It doesn't seem like it when you look at it, but that's the way it is. Knowing this, when I look at my bed, it looks comfortable. I might be biased on this, because I know my bed is quite comfortable. Sure, it could be better, but it's good enough for me.

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One of the major problems with Magic: The Gathering Online, aside from the fact that it sucks and you should never play it, is that the servers running it go down like a $5 hooker. This often happens during prime-time, when most people are online (go figure). Wizards of the Coast seems to think they have some pretty high-end servers running over there, and have put them to the test several times in the past. They don't seem to learn that every time they do that the servers go down hard, like a $500 nympho hooker who's actually a man named Bubba out on bail. Yeah, it's unpleasant for everyone.

Well, the thing about the servers going down during tournaments is that you can request a refund. I do this every time the server crashes while I'm in one, whether I get back on and resume the tournament or not. WotC changed their policy on refunds recently, restricting the refund to the event tickets used to enter the tournament. This is fine for constructed, but for booster drafts, you just got fucked. Well, fuck them, I'm used to getting my refund for tournaments I win, and I'm not about to give that up. Neither should you (unless you plan to give up Magic, which I highly recommend). Their automated ticket refund system doesn't work, anyway.

Here's the email I sent them the other day in response to their new policy:

"Imagine this. You go to a movie theater to watch a movie. You buy your ticket sit down, and the movie begins. Halfway through the movie, the projector malfunctions. You don't get to see the rest of the movie. The movie theater staff tells you they'll only refund half your money, because you saw half the movie.

Now, imagine that movie theater has this problem with all their projectors once or twice a day, usually in the evening when most people are going to see movies. Do you think the people are going to accept this policy?"

That was it. Today, I got a response, and a full refund.

The MtGO servers are down right now.

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One great thing about wearing shirts that are bigger than what you need untucked is that no one can tell your zipper is down.

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So, a few days short of two months after the event, I have finished my Anime Mid-Atlantic Report. According to my crack team of highly skilled writers, it is quite good. A literary masterpiece, if you will. Were it a movie, it would be the summer blockbuster, even if it were shown in the winter. Mind your pants region when reading it, as there may be an explosion of some kind.

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Forgot to mention I was going to Otakon. Well, I was. Then I went. Now it's over and I'm back at work. I also seem to have quite the headache today.

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Killing someone yourself makes you a murderer. Assigning someone to kill someone else makes you a crime boss. Assigning a lot of people you don't know to kill a lot of other people you don't know makes you a politician.

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